Barbarians at Texas Roadhouse!

You heard that right. There were barbarians at Texas Roadhouse this weekend and it was us. In fact I think I heard people actually whispering under their breath, "Oh my word, they are so barbaric" at one point. I have learned that gift certificates can be like LIQUID GOLD but only when used correctly. In other words, on DATE NIGHT. I mean date night with no kids. We got a gift card to Texas Roadhouse and I have been so anxious to use it ever since Alex got back from London. It was A LONG week and I wanted a delicious dinner away from home. I wanted it away from kids as well, but I didn't get that luxury. I have learned that it's better to wait to use these golden tickets, EVEN IF IT TAKES A YEAR, until you're alone and have absolutely no one under the age of 15 or below with you. WHAT A JOKE. First of all, when we get there, it's a madhouse---starving rednecks everywhere wanting a cheap steak dinner and delicious white rolls....yes, me included. They tell me "it's a 15-20 min wait, but it's moving really fast." Yeah right. We decide to see if we can handle it and start taking turns chasing Adanna around the restaurant.

Finally, they call our number. FORTY min later, mind you. Not 20. Should have expected that. By the time we sit down, I don't even bother with a menu--the waitress comes by and tells us about the special and before she even uttered another word, I said, "Great. The special sounds great." Both kids are DONE before the food even comes out to us :( Zander is beyond tired, I'm beyond hungry, and Adanna is beyond bored. The food finally comes out, but I'm struggling to eat it because I've only got one hand. The other is both holding zander and managing the binkie...which doesn't seem to be doing much soothing. My "special" steak comes out, but clearly I can't hold the steak with a fork and cut with a knife because that requires two hands. So what do I do? I stab the center of the steak with my fork, bring the entire slab of meat to my face and start chomping like...yes, like a barbarian on my delicious steak...although I don't even remember if it was even delicious or not because taste was the last sense I was focusing on at the moment. Still holding crying Zander, chowing down like a viking on my meat, but wait---what about my mashed potatoes?? My succulent side dish is staring at me, begging me to bask in it's delightfulness, but "WITH WHAT UTENSIL?" I exclaim in agony. Alex stole my spoon to start feeding Adanna and I'm left with nothing. I look to my right, then to my left, to make sure no one is looking of course, pick up the little bowl filled with brown savory goodness and start to lick the insides of my bowl. Yes, as if it were ice cream. I wish I could say it tasted incredible, but again, the neurological signals of taste are completely numb as I continue to shovel food into my esophagus. There's no time to enjoy...just keep shoveling.

I glance at Alex who is also hurriedly, and quite literally THROWING food into his mouth and practically SHOVING chicken fingers into Adanna's mouth--whose lips are lined with ketchup and a lemonade moustache. No time to even laugh. I pretty much ask for to go boxes and the check at the same time the food came out. It was so romantic. I say again, barbarians visited the restaurant that night. Came hungry, left....not so happy.

Then the battle in church today--I swear Adanna was high on drugs. SUPER hyper and giggling at everything. I finally quit trying to fight her in the bench and let her go in the aisle--expecting she would run into the hall/foyer area. No. She decides to run laps around the chapel. From the pulpit, down the aisles, around the back, down the aisle again. Second time around I tried to snatch her. And I MISSED! People were full on laughing. I get her back in the bench with us where she throws her head back, and slams her head back. Alex takes action--picks her up and tries to get across me to get to the aisle...all while she's holding her breath before the big scream comes out....hurry alex hurry...get her out of here before the wail comes out...and I hear the blood-curdling scream echo through the foyer.

Motherhood.

And to overwhelm me even more today, I get called as the stake young women's camp director.

And I cried.

I'm tired.